COME AND KNOCK ON MY DOOR
by Cullen's Pink
Summary: A sexually charged comedy based on the sitcom "Three's Company." Rated M for flirty flashes, sex acts, and the possibilities. This is a one shot written for the "Mix-N-Match Contest" that I may continue because I love the characters. My only claim is messing with the Twilight characters.


**COME & KNOCK ON MY DOOR**

_Author's Notes:_

Based on "Three's Company." It takes place in current day, Santa Monica, CA. Variations and liberties have been taken.

**The Roommates:**

Jack - EDWARD

Janet - ALICE

Chrissy - ROSE

**Neighbor Friend:**

Larry - JASPER

**Married Landlords:**

Mr. Roper - CARLISLE

Mrs. Roper - BELLA

**-Jasper's POV-**

*bing bing* Message from Edward:

*We can see you!*

"What?" I put the towel over my dick and give him a call. He answers "Ohm, Jasper. Really? While sunbathing by the pool?"

"Wait, who's 'we?'"

"Rose and I are watching you stroke it from her window."

"Ah, does she want to come down and help me?"

"Do you want to go down and help him?"

"NOoo, Edward! I'm on my way to the shower to shave."

"She's busy, Jasper. So, why are you tanning your penis?"

"You're not going to believe this! You know how Carlisle and Bella always have their windows open and the blinds up?"

"Yeah! Oh, Rose wants you to uncover your dick and play with it some more."

"It's limp now, Edward. You guys broke my focus."

"Yeah, yeah. Look up here, Rose has her tits pressed to the screen."

"That's better!" I best put some sunscreen on it, though. (Squirts loads of SPF 90 into his palm and begins lathering it up). "Where was I? Oh, yeah. They're pervs, Edward!"

"What?"

"I've caught Bella watching me several times. She'll peak through the kitchen window, trying to go undetected. Her curly hair is so long and tall, I spot her every time." Owe, that stings, I'll wipe it off my head.

"What about her husband, Jasper? Rose wants to know why your covering it, again."

"The sunscreen is burning my dick!" I stand and try to take the lid off my travel mug. My hand's too slippery, need some on my chest anyway. "I'll come knock on your door in a minute."

Jasper runs in place and disconnects. Wipes his hands on the towel, gets the lid off his mug, and squeals when he inserts his penis into the ice water.

*bing bing* Message from Edward:

*We saw that!*

Wiping off, he looks over to the Landlords' apartment next to the pool. There's Bella's hair. He takes a swig and gulps it down with a painful expression on his face. Jasper decides to get his mobile out, ready to record Bella when he passes her window.

**-Bella's POV-**

He's such a tease. "Carlisle! I'm ready - get the stuff!"

"I'm right here, Bella. Scoot this way and put your leg up on the counter. Now what do I do with these beads?"

Bending with her leg propped up "Insert one at a time, Carlisle. Use your fingers."

"How's this suppose to help our marriage?" He takes a latex glove from the drawer, then another, and puts them both on his hand. His face crinkles in disgust and he struggles with lining the beads up.

"Would you hurry up? Put your finger in my butt, instead."

"I'd rather close my eyes and focus on penetrating your vagina."

"Ugh, fine. On the counter and make it last, would ya?"

"Bella. You're wetter than, than tanning oil on Alice." He shuts his eyes to concentrate. "That Jasper gets you going." He slides into Bella.

"Oh. Yes. Carlisle, harder." She pants. "He's so young, pretty, and lasts so long."

"He's about your age, maybe a few years younger than me. And if you would stop doing Kegels with me inside you, I'd be able to last. Dang!" He growls.

"I am not doing such a... it's my horny hungry... Uh, uh."

"Shhhh."

"Don't you do it, Carlisle, hold it for me. Breathe, count, pull out! Pull out!"

"Five, four, three, two, AHHH, Bella, yes..."

"Nooo..." she whines. "Time to get out the cucumber."

"Why didn't you buy a dildo or vibrator when you bought the beads?"

"I didn't go to a shop for those! I'm way too shy." She looks at Carlisle in disbelief, pulling her large polyester paisley dress over her head. "I read about anal pleasure in line at the grocery store and bought the beads in a quarter machine. And ring pop too."

**-Alice's POV-**

"That's sad, Jasper. I can't believe you got it all on tape." Alice, Rose, and Edward sit closely on their small couch. Mouths wide open.

"Yeah, we should help them." Rose suggests and blows her bangs from her eyes.

"Bella's not bad without her clothes." Edward's comment goes from deadpan to anxious "Wh... Wha... What?" He looks at each person and places his arm around Rose quickly. "Which m-e-a-n-s, that Carlisle _could_ find her more attractive if she wore different clothing. Just trying to help! Them." Edward looks at Rose "Your my favorite without clothes. And when you are wearing clothes too." His index finger taps the tip of her nose for clarification.

Edward smiles brightly and rubs her arm as much as possible. "Well, thank you, Edward." She beams "You're my favorite too, Jasper second, and then Alice."

"Third?" I'm last? "You might want to get a new shower partner, then."

"Girls, girls…" Jasper holds his hands up "Edward, back me up on this. I think we're all a bit in shock with the beads. How hard can it be to give your woman what wants? I should help her. She needs me."

"Sure, Jasper. You get Bella and I get Carlisle." I laugh; but I like the idea lots. "Let's dress her up, take them out, flirt with them. I can be his 'hold on' coach and show him some skills for her. Since she's without."

Jasper claps his hands together and stands from the chair's armrest, we all jump. "That's it! They could fall in love all over again. I'll mess around with Bella right in front of his eyes."

"We'll be there." Edward hugs Rose.

"Edward can show Carlisle some moves on me too. For back up."

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

In unison, "Come in!"

"Hey kids…" Bella prances into the apartment.

I stand and rush to her side, "Bella!" Jasper closes the laptop on the coffee table. "What are you doing here?" I smile at her politely. Are my eyes bugging out? Look normal, look normal.

"I came up to see if you have any salt. I made a big cucumber salad and realized we're out of salt! I need some. I'll bring you kids a bowl as soon as I'm done."

"I'll eat it!" Jasper exclaims while each of us take a moment to recoup. He walks to the kitchen "Is it in here?"

"Let me show you." Edward goes into the kitchen with Jasper. The door swings on it's hinges into both rooms. *swing, bump, swoosh* *swing, bump, swoosh*

"I want to..." "Here. Shh. Keep it down." "The thought of..." "Hush, You do it."

"Is that a computer with the online Internet on it?" Bella asks, pointing at the laptop.

"Uh-huh. You can buy things on it." Rose pets the top of it. "Movies, clothes... shiny dildos."

"Oh. Wow. How do you get one? Like, like that?" Bella points to Rose like she has the answers, then to the coffee table "It's in there?" She pants.

The guys come out of the kitchen, Jasper has the salt shaker held out in his hand, walking towards Bella. He looks nervous.

"Bella, do you want to have a pool party sometime? Tonight? We can all make something to eat... and you can introduce me to Carlisle. Again."

"Carlisle?"

Edward trips and falls, his hands pulling down Jasper's shorts right when Bella reaches for the salt. Oh dear, he went commando. Bella stairs at his oversized erection pointing at her. "Thank you." She moans, grabbing the salt.

**-Edward's POV-**

I think I'll lay here, wait, I'll do pushups. Might as well make it a workout.

"Ohh." Bella shivers. "That's" she bends and grabs Jasper's shorts around his knees, bumping her cheek on his woody. She pulls them up for him. "There, there..." she pats his bulge and then rubs her cheek with the same hand. "You coming, Jasper?"

"What?"

"To the pool party potluck?"

"Oh, yeah! Sure."

"Will you bring the computer Internet and help me with it?"

"Yep. You bet. Wouldn't miss it for the world." He stands with his hands in front of his crotch.

I flip to my back to do sit-ups and I can't see up her dress. I take a penny from my pocket and toss it between Bella's feet. "YAY! A penny." I crawl and get it, looking up at her. "We'll be there too, don't you worry."

"What time?" She backs up to the door.

"Seven O'clock." Alice says, helping me up off the floor. "That gives us an hour to get ready. Oh, think Carlisle will jump in the pool with me?"

"He doesn't like to get wet; but I'll let him know. Thanks, again for the salt." Bella shuts the door behind her.

Rose huffs. "Gosh Edward! If you're going to depants Jasper, mind pointing him in my direction!" I roll my eyes at her full-on pout. Her bottom lip quivers and arms cross.

Walking to Jasper, I turn him facing Rose, and pull his pants down to his feet. "You don't mind."

"No. Can't say that I do, _look at that smile_."

**- Rose's POV -**

After Bella left, Alice pulled me to the kitchen to prepare for the potluck. I made fruit salad and Alice made lots of finger foods. I couldn't resist snacking on the hi-ho crackers with the whipped cheese and green olives. She didn't slap my hand; she pinched my nipples with her "No, No!"

We showered and helped each other reach those hard to see places. Now, Edward and Jasper are knocking on the door.

"Let's go, let's go!"

"We're not dressed!" I yell through the bathroom door. "We could use the extra hands." Alice opens the door.

"You two need some help?" Edward grins, striking a pose in his tiny swimming briefs. Alice laughs and points.

"Ahh!" He screams soprano and turns the opposite direction. His butt cheeks squeeze together as he tucks his sack back into place.

Jasper uncovers his eyes. "Will you tie our bikini tops, Jasper?" Alice asks, wiggling her nude boobies at him. I cover my breasts and circle my nipples with my hands, "Please?"

Edward turns around quickly "No booby action without me, got it?" Alice wiggles for him and I jog in place.

**- Carlisle's POV -**

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK **

I open the door and Bella skates towards the door at top speed "I'll get it!"

All four of them peak in, hesitantly, before Bella slams into the door, forcing it from my hand. I laugh. They flinch "Eww..."

She falls to the floor; but holds to the door and it's knob to help herself up. Jasper makes his way through the tiny bikinis to lend her his hands.

I can't stop laughing: one side of her bikini bottom is stuck in her crack and she looks like Bambi, Jasper's hard-on keeps poking her cheek with her rise and fall.

"Sit her down on the floor, Jasper. Take her skates off." Alice demands with a sweet forced whisper.

Sexy. She steps over them both and I take the platter from her, "What do we have here?" Our eyes connect and she places her soft hands, then arms around my bicep.

"It's finger foods." She says shyly. Turning to Bella "I've got my escort for the evening." She gestures for Edward and Rose to enter.

"You can keep him all night long." Bella beams up with her curly hair in her face. "Got that, honey, Carlisle? Our list of freebies and I'm talking about the cans of pop in the fridge. They were given to us when we gave a donation. You kids make yourself at home. Get some soda."

I can feel the sweat beading above my lip and on my forehead and under my arms and in the netting of my swim shorts. She is insane.

We swim, we flirt, Edward sprains his ankle. Then, it's time to gather around the laptop at our small circular dinning table. There aren't chairs: which makes the fit of six compact in the booth.

Bella sits on Jasper's lap, in the middle, so she can see the screen. Alice sits on mine, and Rose bounces on Edward's.

"I can't wait to get it! Thank you, Jasper." She hugs him and he hugs Bella back with his hands reaching round so tight that his fingers touch the sides of her breasts.

"Mmm" we look to Edward and Rose. He covers her mouth as she clearly slides onto his shaft.

**- Webcam's View -**

Carlisle puts his hand on Alice's upper thigh "I watch you go swimming."

"You do?"

"I like it when you get wet."

"Me?"

"For sure." He slowly trails his hand between her legs and she parts them for his soft petting.

Jasper whispers in Bella's ear "I like your curly hair. Will you turn around on me so I can see your face?"

Bella spins around and knocks the table over with her bottom. Rose jumps from Edward and leaps to catch the laptop.

**- Crash, Shatter, The End -**


End file.
